Friends

I didn't meet Morgan by pure happenstance early last year.

In fact, it was a deliberate choice on my part.

I remember getting the email from Harps and Thistles about an upcoming trunkshow with Knitcraft and Knittery, their first in the US. And my little heart was all aflutter with the chance to meet them because, duh, new yarn friends!

What I didn't expect was just how important of a person Morgan would end up being in my life.

As we've gotten closer over this last year or so, I've been privileged to see just how incredibly generous and passionate of a person Morgan is, always going out of their way to not only help others, but to fight for and lift up others' voices, too.

Morgan, for me, has been the cheerleader, supporter, and mentor that I never knew I needed.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a clear, reachable goal ahead of me (global pandemic aside) and I WILL get there.

None of that would have been possible without Morgan guiding and helping me, with a smile and a "You've got this!"

Last Saturday, we were supposed to go to the Pittsburgh Creative Arts Festival together (which has obviously been cancelled), a rather big thing for me as I am not used to going so far away from home without Robyn.

But with Morgan's reassurance, plus the generous offer to change their own plans to better suit my anxieties, I was excited to go.

I had knit this shawl (Softsweater's Authenticity) to wear, specifically to showcase the new Targhee/Columbia base Morgan's now selling.

I used Sandilocks for the body and Kat-ctus for the edging.

But what Morgan didn't know, was that I was always planning on gifting this to them as a thank you for everything they've done for me.

To be clear, I told them I was doing this right after finishing the damn thing, because I am HORRIBLE at keeping secrets.

But I figured I should show y'all before I pass it on.

So thank you, Morgan, you wonderful, amazing, smart, talented, hilarious, beautiful soul, for everything you've done and are doing.

Love you, bud.

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This Is A Lot

There is just Too Much going on right now to try and write a cohesive post, so it's time to bring back an old favorite... the list post!

1. First and foremost, the world is a terrifying place right now. Coronavirus is in our area and things are looking grim.

They've shut down our schools for the next 3 weeks, which means some of our kids are going to be going hungry because school was the only place they got consistent meals.

People are selfishly hoarding everything, which means that lower income and disabled folks aren't even to get the bare necessities.

And because of fucking capitalism, this virus is going to spread through the masses as we've created a system where missing a single day of work is the difference between surviving and complete ruin for a lot of folks.

I personally am terrified for a few family members who are older and/or immunocompromised.

I can't really do much other than offer to listen if you need someone to unload your anxiety on to, but know that I'm here if that's the case.

2. It's been said a million times in a million other places, but please minimize your contact with others as much as possible. Frequently disinfect communal surfaces. Keep away from family members and loved ones who are more susceptible to illness. AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS!

Seriously, I don't fucking care if you think this is "no big deal" or that "I'll survive it fine." Think about someone other than yourself for once and realize that NOT EVERYONE CAN AND WILL BE OKAY! And do you want to be the one responsible for someone else getting ill AND POTENTIALLY DYING because you can't pull your head out of your own ass?

Do your research. Listen to ACTUAL SCIENTISTS AND DOCTORS. Not your bullshit consipracy-esque facebook memes.

3. Sorry, I'm a wee bit frustrated with Certain People at the moment.

4. Because of the virus, huge events are being cancelled everywhere. This is going to severely impact and hurt a lot of indie dyers, artists, and other content creators who rely on these events to make a living.

So if you can, try to support them as much as you can. Order from online shops, donate money, sign up for folks' Patreons... whatever you can do to help make this time less stressful for others.

5. I was actually supposed to be going to the Pittsburgh Creative Arts Festival next weekend with Morgan, but it's been postponed.

Which means that this shawl that I started last Thursday...

And finished yesterday (a mere week later) with the intention of wearing it to said event...

 Doesn't really have a purpose.

Which means three out of the last four shawls I've made have earned that designation.

Maybe I should stop making shawls for events...

6. We know that isn't actually going to happen.

7. Speaking of Morgan, we've been hanging out a lot and it's been AMAZING.

Mostly because they're just an awesome person and the extrovert writing this has sorely needed some human interaction.

But also because they're teaching me to dye yarn.

Which leads me to...

8. I may actually soon be in a position to sell my own hand dyed yarn, something I've literally dreamed about for YEARS.

Morgan has literally thrown open the door to a path that I never thought I'd get close to. (Seriously, I've cried several times over the last few days because of how grateful I am and how overwhelmingly happy I am that I get to do this. And even saying that isn't really a good description for my current emotions.)

I am SO EXCITED to share the plans and schemes I have soon. I think my fellow lace knitters will be happy in particular.

It'll be awhile before anything is finalized and fully set up, but keep an eye out.

9. And if that wasn't enough excitement, I also GOT ASKED TO BE A GUEST BLOGGER FOR YSOLDA TEAGUE!

Apparently, her and her team loved my giant friggin Orchid Thief and would like to feature it.

I'll share a link when it comes out.

But y'all, WHAT EVEN IS MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!?!

10. And on top of all that, I'm ALSO working on writing up a worsted version of my Rainbomb pattern with the intent of selling it.

I'm making the sample in all affordable yarns, too, so anyone will be able to make it.

I'm not sure exactly when it will be out, because pattern and testing and such, plus trying to figure out the whole yarn business thing, but I promise it WILL be out sometime this year.

11. Is that still not enough? Because guess what?

I ALSO have found my passion for painting again.

One of my favorite artists released a how-to-ish video for watercolor, making this piece at the end.

View this post on Instagram

HAPPY LITTLE TREES! This is the final product from my most recent art tutorial over on YouTube. I had no idea what it was going to be. Still don't know. NAME THE CREATURE IN THE COMMENTS! #watercolor #colorfulpaint #painting #oddart #creatures #howtoart #creativeinspiration

A post shared by Mary Doodles (@marydoodles) on Mar 1, 2020 at 8:27am PST

And I was so firggin inspired that I whipped out my own paints and made this.

I loved that little creature so much that I also made this.

And I started a new Henry piece.

I feel like I'm waking up and living again. I WANT to make stuff. I'm excited to.

I've missed that.

Of course it has to be while the rest of the world is burning down around me, but I guess I'll take the wins I can.

12. And to round us out (and because it wouldn't be a good post without some yarn porn)...

Why hello, there.

This is Serendipitous Wool's Vajra yarn in Forbidden Forest.

And y'all, I've got SOME PLANS for this.

Which I should probably get to.

So I'll catch up with y'all later and leave you once again with this:

WASH YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS!

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The Little Things

You know how sometimes you get these little ideas that pop up in your head? Just a small, wee thing that you think would be lovely to have.

Like maybe you have some worsted weight yarn just lying about the stash that you think would make a nice shawl... and you think "hmmmmm... maybe if I pick a fingering weight pattern, I'll have a nice cozy shawl that I can wrap up in. It won't be THAT big."

Famous last words, Ashtan.

Some of you may recall when I did my shawl-a-month project back in 2017, I kicked things off with Orchid Thief. And you would have thought I learned my lesson after that turned into a yarn eating monster.

 That was for the first go.

This time?

Yep.

Had five balls in the stash, four were usable, and I had to go out and buy four more. I had to tap in to the 8th ball just for the bind-off, which took THIRTEEN FRIGGIN GRAMS of yarn alone.

And yes, it's a monster. The central spine was 54 inches long while it was blocking.

For context, I'm only 63 inches tall.

Yeah... this thing is a bloody cape.

But you want to know something amazing?

This only cost me $23 in yarn.

The original four balls I got for $2 a piece when Pat Catan's was going out of business.

The other four were $15 total from Michaels because of coupons.

This is just Patons Classic Worsted Wool. Nothing super fancy. But it still looks AMAZING.

I've been thinking of doing a few other shawls with more affordable and accessible yarn options just to show y'all that you don't have to put a bunch of money into a project to make it look good.

And don't give me any crap about how you can't do lace.

You CAN do lace. You just need some confidence and concentration.

As for me, I'm going to curl up in this thing and start my next project.

I'm thinking a nice lace weight, beaded project.

Y'know, just a simple, palette cleanser project.
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Fourteen Gat Dang Years

Guess what, y'all?

Robyn and I (Did I mention the name change yet? If not, HEY, THEY'RE GOING BY ROBYN NOW, OKAY???) have been together for 14 years now.

Rather than sit here and gush about them (that's soooo 3 years ago) how about I share our vows we wrote for the vow renewal? Then I'll end with some cute pics of us and y'all can leave nice comments about us below. Sound like a plan?

Mine:

My love, I promise to accept you as you are now and as who you shall become. I put my full trust in you and the commitments we’ve made to each other. I will continue to stand by your side as I have for all these years. I promise to be someone you can lean on, who will offer what comfort and love I can.
I give you not only a piece of my heart, but my joy and laughter as well. I promise to do everything in my power to make you laugh and smile as often as I can, so long as you’re willing to forgive the occasional accidental eye poke from a failed attempt to do so.
I also promise to always give you advantage on your charisma checks because, let's be honest, I'm the talkative extrovert to your reserved introvert.
I will always be the Batman to your Robin, the Luigi to your Mario, the Captain to your Number One.
I promise this all from now until whatever end takes us. I love you.

Theirs:

Eight years ago we promised to always love and support each other, no matter what hardships life threw at us. And we have. But in that time we've also helped each other grow and change so much for the better. And we've come so far. I've watched as you tried your hand at so many creative hobbies and discovered your passions. You learned how to heal from the past and found your unique voice in the world. And together we learned how to love better. So now, today, I promise to always stand by you as we continue to grow. I promise I'll still laugh with you at every corny joke and I'll still hold you when life feels too overwhelming. And I promise I'll always be with you as we continue this adventure together, because I can't wait to see where it takes us.

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Wild and Wooly

Welp, we're most of the way through February and I still don't have a shawl done.

Just like when I knit it before, Orchid Thief is taking a wee bit longer than I anticipated. I'm SO CLOSE to finishing it, but it's gotten so heavy that I have to often take breaks to rest my poor hands.

So in the meantime, why don't I show you some yarn porn instead?

Last weekend, we went to Wild and Wooly in Cleveland. It's a fast and furious one day show with around 30 vendors.

I'd seen that Bewitched Pigments was going to be there and I really wanted a chance to show off my vow renewal shawl to them in person. Which in hindsight, may have been a bit of a mistake. I couldn't walk more than 5 feet without someone wanting to talk to me about it. My throat was killing me from talking for like 2 and a half hours straight.

But I DID get to hand out my new business cards, so that was exciting!

And there was also all the yarn I bought. That was pretty okay, as well.

First off was a skein of sparkly fingering weight from Icemelon's Stash. Observant viewers may notice that I bought this exact same yarn at Great Lakes Fiber Show last year. I thought one would be enough, but I should have known better. So into the shawl stash this goes.

These I fell in love with immediately as soon as I spotted them. And then I saw that the colorway name was Ida McKinley and all hope of restraint was lost.

For those who don't know, Ida McKinley was the wife of President William McKinley and was born very close to my hometown. My grandparents took me and my sisters to the McKinley Library and Museum every summer. These visits helped to form my deep and abiding love of history.

Ida was a prestigious crocheter herself, making an estimated 4,000 pairs of slippers in her lifetime. They actually have a pair of them, along with a project bag and crochet hook, in the collection at the museum. You can see the slippers here.

It seemed that this show, soft ivory with muted colors were the name of the game for me.

I found this AMAZING handspun silk and alpaca blend from Four Square MicroFarm. It feels amaaaaazing.

And you want to know something EVEN COOLER?!

You can watch the batt that this was spun from being made RIGHT HERE!

I only have a wee bit of this and I want to use it for something special, but I'm not quite sure what yet.

My last yarn purchase was from Bewitched Pigments again. Vi actually spotted this colorway and when she showed me that the name was Swamp Witch, I said to hell with the budget and bought it.

I'll probably end up buying a second one sometime because, holy hell, I want to just bury my face in this.

I also picked up an OLIVE FRIGGIN GREEN pompom from their booth. And Vi bought me the rainbow one!

So that was Wild and Wooly, but I'm not done yet.

Oh no, my friends. I have BONUS YARN CONTENT!

The most wonderful and amazing Morgan of Knitcraft & Knittery has released a new yarn base and you know I HAD to get in on that action.

It's a Targhee/Columbia blend and it's WONDERFUL.

I'm actually thinking that it needs to be a hat and that olive green pompom needs to go right on top.

For now, though, it's back to this giant monster.

Maybe I'll be done by the weekend... which is what I've been saying for the last 3 weeks.

*sigh*

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In Sheep's Clothing

Do you ever have those moments where you look at your work, those thousands of hours dedicated to your craft, and find yourself absolutely disgusted?

Why are you bothering?

Why do you try so hard?

You aren't shit.

I'm dealing with this hard right now.

I'm looking at my lace work and questioning why I knit.

I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves with other people. We should be proud of what we as individuals can accomplish. But I follow so many accounts on social media just absolutely filled with folks seemingly churning out colorwork sweaters, socks, and other garments at a frightening pace.

It seems every week these folks have new projects falling off the needles.

And I'm sitting back here, hoping to finish one project in less than 2 months.

How do you push yourself through this?

I'm trying hard to be realistic. Most of these people are half my size, which means half the work to do. So even if I could knit as fast as they do, I still couldn't do the work in the same amount of time.

I also can't financially afford to knit sweaters often. It's the same principle as the time cost. Bigger person = more yarn needed. A shawl is much less of a material cost (most of them at least).

Glancing through the worsted weight sweaters in my ravelry favorites, none of them use less than 1500 yards for someone with my bust size.

So let's do some fun math and assume 1 skein of indie dyed worsted yarn retails for $25 and has at least 200 yards. I need 8 skeins, which means that knitting that sweater is going to cost me $200 in materials straight off the bat.

How about something more affordable like Knit Picks' WotA? It retails for $3 a ball, but only has 110 yards per ball. I need 14 balls. That's $42. A wee bit better, true, but now my color selection is limited, plus I don't get to support the people I really want to.

So it's better for me to just support indie dyers and showcase the smaller quantity of yarn used in projects like my shawls, right?

But am I growing stagnant by focusing on just lacework and shawls specifically? Shouldn't I challenge myself and always push myself to do bigger and better things?

I like the look of color work, but I HATE doing it. Absolutely loathe it. It slows me down considerably, I get frustrated when my yarn gets tangled, and I'm always so anxious that my floats are too tight.

Lacework, though... lacework I can do in my sleep.

It's fierce joy and revelation watching the pattern emerge from just a series of seemingly random holes and decreases.

And I think I'm decently good at lacework.

But I'm playing it safe, aren't I? I've pushed myself into a box that I'm unwilling to come out of.

I feel like an imposter. Like a little kid who finds themselves at the table with much more capable adults. Getting little pats on the head and a, "Good job, sweetie! You'll make real projects when you grow up!"

And I don't know what to do about these feelings.

I know this is all on me (and my ridiculous brain) because my friends are nothing but supportive and lovely.

But I just can't shake it.

I don't have any solutions, no hopeful observations.

I guess I just sit quietly with it and keep knitting.

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Fancy That

Okay, seriously... I'm bloody done with this weather.

It's not snowy.

It's just grey.

No sun. No blue sky.

Nothing but bleakness as far as you can see.

And it is really hard to find the motivation to go take pictures of a shawl when you know everything is going to end up looking just as dull.

So I finally just threw in the towel, tossed Fancy up against the house, and snapped a few quick pics.

And that's what you'll just have to live with. I'm tired of trying to wait out the weather.

*Technically* this is the Nancy pattern from Boo Knits, but for a whole host of reasons, there was no bloody way I was calling this shawl that name.

So, it became Fancy.

Which is a bit of a laugh because fancy this shawl is not.

It's rather understated.

A plain body, simple lace, minimal beading.

Plus it's a DK weight (TIG Springvale DK in Heartbreak Hotel) rather than my usual fingering weight shawls, which means it's a little heavier.

I used plain silver beads because I didn't want anything super shiny.

In the end, I came out with a serviceable piece that can easily be used as shawl or scarf.

And if I'm honest, I'm glad I decided to give it to my spouse since that means I can occasionally wear it, too.

As for my next project, I may have something rather familiar on my needles.

But you'll just have to wait to see that one.
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