One Year, One Sweater

A year.

We've been at this for a whole year. 

It's been forever.

It's been no time at all.

I remember casting this on because I needed something to do to try and keep myself calm and grounded. 

Shawls felt useless. Where would I wear one to? There weren't any events for the foreseeable future, so why bother making lace and pretty things?

No, what I wanted and needed was something I could wrap myself up in and hide away.

So I cast on Writer's Block.

I'd already planned on making it at some point and already had most of the yarn, so why not?

I just needed two more skeins of the Malabrigo Rios I used, so I ordered it from Harps and Thistles. 

It felt so weird, to order yarn from them online. Every other time, I'd happily go to the shop to get what I needed. Just so I could spend an hour or two with my fellow yarn friends. 

Cindy brought my yarn out to the car. No going in, no chatting or browsing.

That's actually the last time I've been to the shop in a year. 

I can't even begin to describe how much I miss it. And the people. Oh god, do I miss the people.

I've caught myself crying quite a few times when I start thinking about all the pj parties we've missed.

I haven't gotten to share my accomplishments with them, the new things I've made. Instead, I only see the social media posts of others. 

No chatting or discussing, really. No in-depth back-and-forth conversations about what went right, what went wrong, laughing and joking and actually TALKING.

I crave that human interaction. Especially because just seeing and sharing strictly through social media can make me doubt myself and my talents. I rely on the social cues from person-to-person interaction to understand and make sense of myself. To help combat the voice in my head, telling me that I am somehow lesser.

Watching other knitters crank out sweater after sweater after sweater during the lockdown made me feel inadequate. Like my knitting skills weren't up to par. 

But time seems to be irrelevant now. It's no longer linear. Things ebb and flow in different ways for different people.

I thought this sweater took me a year. 

Cast On Date: March 26th, 2020

Cast Off Date: February 9th, 2021

Finished Date: February 12th, 2021

But in actuality, this sweater only took me 47 days to knit. 

Perspective can really change things, can't it?

That's what I'm trying to hold on to. That looking at all this from a different view can help me make sense of the world. To not fall completely to despair.

Isolation and distancing have been hell.

But it's also forced me to change perspective.

I have learned and changed and grown and discovered just how strong I actually am.

I have learned secrets about myself, wonderful revelations that are shaping me into who I am supposed to be.

I've learned what I can actually accomplish if I am given the tools and resources I need.

We're not out of this yet.

Not even close.

But I feel a little more hope than I have in quite a while.

Guess I just needed to change my view a bit.