A Tale of Two Shawls - Grey Skies

Yes, yes, I know that this is being posted a day late. My laptop cord decided that breaking in half was the perfect way to end my Saturday night. Hooray, technology!

Anyway, I must confess that this shawl was actually started in January after I had tossed Orchid Thief into time out. I needed something to sooth my frantic mind after The Evil One's relentless fuckery.

I was inspired by this raveler's Easy As Pie/Vlad mash-up. My favorite body lace pattern? Extra edgings? TASSELS?!?!!!? I was in love.

I had a ball of alpaca languishing in the bottom of my stash that was actually supposed to be used for an entirely different pattern. I had bought it at my very first Great Lakes Fiber Show and had just never gotten around to doing much more than balling it up.

I was trying to be good and just use stash yarn, but the idea of golden yellow tassels wouldn't get out of my head, so I grabbed a couple of skeins of Knit Pick's Alpaca Cloud Fingering in Daisy.

Being the giant dork that I am, this ended up being named Grey Skies because Easy as Pie's edging has always reminded me of lightning bolts. And the tassels look like the sun's rays trying to poke through the clouds.

Yep, giant dork.

This one was a pretty straightforward project. aside from some stitch fudging to get the Vlad edging to line up. Knitting 6 stitches together is so much fun.

I've made Easy As Pie before, so I was pretty familiar with the pattern.

I decided to add the accent stripe because that gold was too gorgeous to not use more of it.

Also, because I thought it tied the tassels in a little better with the overall design.

Oh yeah. The mother fucking tassels.

Biggest pains in the whole bloody world. I adore how they look, but Christ, do I hate making them.

In the end though, I can't really complain too much. This shawl is lovely, delightfully wonderful to wear, and I'm quite happy to add it to the collection.

A Tale of Two Shawls - Art and Coffee

So far this year, I've managed to complete 3 shawls already. And I'm well on my way to finishing my fourth. Yes, you guessed it. I'm trying to do last year's resolution of 12 shawls in 12 months.

But the last shawl that I posted completed pictures of on here was Orchid Thief.

I could make excuses about weather or time, but let's be honest. Sometimes, I'm just a lazy trash panda.

But no more!

Yes, friends, today I finally dragged myself (and John) out of the house long enough to get the pictures I needed.

Which means that not only will you get a new post, dear reader, filled with shawly goodness. You, in fact, get two of them. Two days in a row!

*fanfare plays*

To start things off, I'll show off February's shawl, Art and Coffee.

After the nightmare that was Orchid Thief, I needed something simple and with a heavier weight of yarn. Latte e Miele fit the bill. Stripes, which I had never done before, simple lace, and customizable sizing. Everything I could ever hope for.

I even used stash yarn for it. I did break a Sacred Knitting Rule by using two different yarn weights, but I won't tell if you won't. Worsted and DK are close enough to each other, right?

The grey blue is Three Irish Girls Springvale Worsted in Ventas. And it actually has a really sweet story to it. When I took my grandpa up to see Harps and Thistles, he did a very grandpa thing and slipped me some spending money. I picked this little beauty out with no definite plan in mind. Just a squishy reminder of a lovely day spent with my grandpa.

The brighter, variegated yarn is a awesome colorway called Van Gogh from Scandinavian Weave and Knit. I picked it up at the Great Lakes Fiber Show the second year that I went.

This was intentionally made pretty small as I intended to wear it as a scarf. Well, pretty small to me. So, a normal sized shawl to practically everyone else.

There are quite a few modifications, so be sure to check out my ravelry page to see them all.

WHICH I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION, I NOW HAVE AN AWESOME LITTLE BUTTON OVER THERE THAT YOU CAN CLICK ON TO BE TAKEN RIGHT TO IT!!!
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Seriously, go check out my social media links for all sorts of fun. Warmer weather is coming, so more shenanigans will be posted on there soon.

See you back here tomorrow, though, for shawl number two.

We're going pure alpaca, baby.

Petite Plantings

A small post for some small things.

Because it seems that my obsession with cactuses seems to have no bounds.

I mean really.

Look at this thing.

It's just so tiny and perfect.

And of course, I couldn't just make one.

So say hello to this grumpy old man.

I'm especially proud of the glasses.

And he's even got the old man slouch.

His name is Wilford Prickly.

Yes, I am aware of my dork status, thank you very much.

A Change Will Do You Good

It seems that lately, my creative endeavours are shifting.

I mean, I'm still knitting and painting. Let's not get wild here.

But I seem to be branching out and trying new things within those crafts.

For one thing, I'm trying color work again.

It's a bag with the Gryffindor crest on it. (hashtag nerd alert)

Don't get me wrong. I am absolutely loathing actually knitting it. It's a struggle to convince myself to work on it. This is definitely a product project rather than one I'm doing for the joy of making on it.

Color work knitter I am not.

But at least I'm trying.

As for my painting, I finally figured out something I've wanted to do for a long time.

Paint some space, yo.

This was my first attempt. It was based on a photo of the Milky Way that a quick google search yielded.

These have quickly become an addiction.

This one I just did by playing around with colors.

And of course I had to make one for John's desk.

I suppose the biggest news about my painting though is that I FINALLY have my pendants up in my etsy shop.

That's right. You can head right over and buy one of my watercolor painting necklaces.

Black Goat Crafts on Etsy

More will be in there soon, so if you don't see one you like now, be patient!

Lest you think I've completely abandoned all my ways, I did start on a new shawl for April.

Except, it really wasn't scratching the right itch.

So....

This beauty gets to come out and play.

And let me tell you, the change did me good.

Bad Day

It's a bad day.

Nothing is particularly going wrong.

It's just a bad day.

I knew it from the moment I woke up and felt that familiar ache in my body. The heaviness in my limbs. The numbing, yet all-consuming, sadness. The fog that has dimmed my brain to barely functioning.

I can't think clearly. I can barely move. But I still have to shove myself forward. I had to go get groceries today. I needed stuff for dinner. Can't let Al go hungry.

So I got myself through a shower. I made myself put clothes on, even though every move makes my body hurt more.

Yeah, that's something that doesn't get mentioned a lot, does it? The physical pain that goes along with depression. The throbbing, aching pain that has no cause other than your stupid brain telling you that it hurts. If you put the wrong article of clothing on, your skin hurts. Anything other than the softest material and you want to scream in agony. Everything is too tight. It hurts to breathe.

Grandma had to sit outside and wait for me. Because I was paralyzed by indecision over what clothing I could put on that would allow me to be a semi-functional human being. I got in the car and drove us to the store. It gave me something to focus on, the driving. I could push back the monster for a little bit.

Trying to navigate around the store, however, was a nightmare. I had a list of things that I needed, figuring I could just focus on that and get through it. But in the way that grandparents can be, we ended up walking around the whole store, grandma asking if I needed this and that. And before I knew it, it was a whole cart of groceries. Trying to make decisions about what I should buy, what we really needed, trying to think of future meals, even though the thought of food was making me nauseous. It was overwhelming and kicking my anxiety into overdrive.

I was also trying to text John and Jamie through all this, which made the overall situation worse. I was trying to keep myself from collapsing into a screaming, crying heap in the middle of the store. Instead of relief and distraction, I ended up getting upset and frustrated because I wasn't able to articulate what I needed from them. And it felt like they were just giving me empty platitudes in return. So I shut down on them, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't explain myself. And I didn't want to fuck up my relationships further than they seem to be.

We made it back to the car and I loaded up the groceries. My guilt had skyrocketed because grandma slipped me money to help pay for everything. I felt like a failure. I'm nearly 30. I should be able to take care of myself and my family. But I can't. And what's going to happen when they're gone?

Grandma needed to use the bathroom and I needed something to eat. I didn't think I'd be able to make food for myself as soon as I got home, but I knew that I had to eat something. So we stopped at Wendy's. I just brought it home because I couldn't handle being outside the house any longer. My entire body was fraught with tension. My mind started vividly playing scenarios in which my grandparents were gone. It took everything in my to not just break down crying on the drive back.

I brought everything in and thanked grandma in what I'm sure sounded like an ungrateful voice. But I was physically incapable of putting mch expression into anything.

I've been home for over an hour. I'm still wearing my soaking wet clothes. The weather decided to reflect my mood today and has just been pouring down rain. And I can't seem to find the energy to bother to take them off. What's the point?

I choked down my food. And for the first time in quite a while, felt like wanting to make myself throw it all back up. Because my anxiety never stops and when it teams up with my depression, anything that I try to eat makes me feel sick.

I'm writing this to try and get past the revulsion. I'm trying to tell myself that it will be okay. That I can handle the ginormous load of dishes that I'll have to fight through to make dinner. That I can actually make dinner without vomiting. That I can help Alex with her homework. That I can get through a gaming date with Jamie without getting so frustrated and overwhelmed that I quit. Because John won't be home tonight. It's game night at work. And at least Jamie is a comforting voice.

I'm alone. I have to get through this alone. I need someone to just lay here and hold me and let me just get the sadness out. But I can't have that right now. So I have to fight for myself. And that seems like an insurmountable mountain right now.

There's no happy ending to this post. No witty little quip to shine a little light of hope. I know I'll get through this and eventually, my mood will stabilize. But this will come back again and again. Even with all the therapy or meds in the world, there is no cure for mental illness. There is only management. You don't get to say you beat it, or won against it. You can only survive.

It's a bad day.

Sunday Scramblin'

List posts are such a great way to add content to your blog! No need for a set topic to tie the whole thing together! In my opinion they are superio-

Yeah, okay, fuck it. I'm feeling lazy.

List posts = the McDonald's of the blogger arsenal.

It's a good thing I like me a Big Mac.

1. I've decided that small paintings are great and all, but I really need to torture myself by doing a mandala on a sheet of 18 x 24 inch watercolor paper.

2. I also did me a quick little piece to satisfy the mandal urges when the big ol' one up there proved to be more than I felt like tackling at the moment.

It's on these nifty little scroll things I found on clearance at World Market.

3. My tattoo is healing really well. I've had no problems with it being itchy at all. I never have with any of my three.

4. I'm scared that the fact above will make my tattooed friends want to rage at me for not having to endure what I hear is one of the worst parts about the tattoo healing process.

5. These are apparently the new rugs that I got for the hall right outside of the bathroom. They don't seem to appreciate me trying to dry my feet off on them after stepping out of the shower.

6. I found a REALLY HECKIN COOL travel watercolor set.

I snagged it for a mere $16 once I used my 60% off coupon. (All about them deals, yo.)

7. I HAD to do a side-by-side comparison of these paints (dry blocks) and my typical ones (tubed).

Old on the left, new on the right.

8. We built a cardboard playground for the cats. 

Yes, they had as much fun as you would think. Also, it's really fun to watch your dog try to jump through boxes to get the toy that you mercilessly threw in one. 

9. Alex rolled herself into a burrito on the couch and looked so cozy that I had to try it myself. Mine was superior because it contained a cat.

10. This round of Tsuro of the Seas got super interesting. It ended with a dragon crashing on John's head.

11. This conversation happened with Jamie. Atheists eat babies: confirmed. 

12. Knitting? What's that? Gryffindor bag? I don't know what you're talking about. *hurriedly shoves half-finished project under something*

Okay, okay. I haven't worked on any knitting since early last week. Which is bloody great when you run a damn knitting blog.

I do plan on picking it up again here soon, but hate colorwork so fucking much and can barely bring myself to look at the damn thing have been busy with other things. 

13. I was feeling pretty damn hot over the weekend. I mean, I managed to look like this whilst only functioning on 4 hours of sleep.

Saturday looked just as good.

14. Lest you think that I am feeling a little too full of myself, I was firmly reminded tonight of my actual place in the world.

Block Party

I have often been accused of witchcraft when it comes to my knitting.

I get it.

To outsiders, it looks like I'm just waving sticks about with some string attached, all the while muttering to myself. After completing this ritual, I magically have a beautiful item in my possession.

I hate to break it to you, but that's not magic.

But you want to know what is?

Blocking.

Yep. Add some water and pins to your lace knitting and BOOM! You've completely transformed the piece better than McGonagall ever could. (Ha. Harry Potter reference. *high fives self*)

Don't believe me?

Okay, well, I'll just have to show you.

I recently completed my Grey Skies shawl, which uses the Easy as Pie pattern as its base. Which happens to be my *favorite* pattern for showing just how drastic blocking can be.

Here she is, looking completely like a pile of garbage.

As you can see, the lace is all scrunched up. You can't really see the pattern at all.

This is after a good washing and a soak.

It's definitely looking more promising. The fiber has relaxed and opened up a bit. But to truly transform it, we have to get a little aggressive.

Ta-da!!!

It looks completely different. The gorgeous edging is now clearly defined and those points are... on point. (sorrynotsorry)

Look at just how much that lace opened up. It's wonderful.

Now, it does relax quite a bit when you take it off the blocking board. But it's still lovely and absolutely fantastic to wear.

You can see that the points aren't quite as drastic, especially with the tassels hanging on them. But the shape of the lace itself is still an amazing turnaround from where it began.

So yes, blocking. It's an essential tool for every knitter, but especially so for lace knitters.

Yep, that's right. Every knitting project can benefit from blocking. It's not all just stretching out your knitting. I highly recommend searching out for the thousands of tutorials that I'm sure are already out there.

As for me, I'm going to go work on a project that actually doesn't have any lace in it for once.

Shocking, I know.

Did I mention how much I hate colorwork?