I'd make many bad jokes, brush on a few light topics, and end with a generally positive message.
And I'd completely avoid the topic that I have hinted oh so briefly on before.
Mainly, concerning my love life.
It's easy to say that it's none of anyone else's business. That I don't have to say a damn thing or explain myself to anyone. Just keep it to myself and tell the nosy people to go to hell.
But that has never been who I am.
I am a constant overshare-er, I know. I probably tell people way too much about myself. But I appreciate it so much when people are that open with me in return.
When it comes down to it, I'm a great lover of people. I want to hear all about your childhood pets, your pie in the sky dreams, and hell, even about that time you got that weird rash all over your ass.
And in return, I hope you let me tell you about myself. So you and I can share that human connection that we are constantly seeking.
This blog has become my way to tell whoever stumbles upon it about who I am as a person. And it would be disingenuous of me to hide a large part of my life from it.
But this part of my life could have real repercussions on not only myself, but others that I care deeply for.
I've gone back and forth since the early summer about this. Weighing the risks and benefits. Trying to decide if, at the end of this, it was worth all of the potential hassle and harassment.
And honestly, it is. For a whole host of reasons.
I'd much rather live my life openly and unashamedly, giving a big middle finger to anyone who tries to tell me that I am "wrong."
And to show people that just because someone lives an "alternative lifestyle," doesn't mean that they are perverted, broken, or on a one-way trip to hell.
That we are just people who live a little differently.
By now, most of you are probably expecting some giant proclamation of something vaguely sinister.
Well, sorry to disappoint you, but it's nothing really that out there.
Simply put, John and I are polyamorous.
Now, some of you may not know what that means. So, let me enlighten you.
Being poly means that we both enjoy having multiple romantic relationships at the same time.
You may have heard the term "open marriage" or "swingers," but those each have their own definition that doesn't quite fit us.
John and I were both involved with a woman earlier this year, but it didn't end up working out. She's still very dear to us and we still care deeply for her.
But the relationship I really want to discuss is the one with Jamie.
We've been dating since August. I'm sure that some of you noticed a difference in my demeanor around then.
I started gaining confidence. And a sense of self-worth.
Hell, I even actually had some pride in my skills.
Entering into a relationship with Jamie was one of the best things I have ever done for myself and my mental health. I am now completely surrounded by love and acceptance and patience from two amazing people who do their damnedest to take care of me.
I am being genuine and honest when I say that I love them both fiercely and passionately.
And I don't feel any less attracted to or in love with John. I'm not taking anything away from John by also loving Jamie. My heart is just capable of loving both of them at once.
John and I's marriage, in fact, has improved. I've found that we're much more patient with each other. It's easier for us to communicate our feelings because you have to when you're poly.
He doesn't feel threatened or jealous of Jamie at all. He's actually thanked Jamie for being such a great support system for me.
That's another thing. I have two people now that I can lean on when Beaverly is terrorizing me. I'm seeing changes in the way I cope with my mental illness now. Positive changes. It's bloody wonderful.
I could go on and on about all the positive changes in my life since this relationship came about, but truth be told, it feels like that would be me trying to justify my life.
Instead, I'm going to end this post, go cuddle my husband, and text my love. And I'm going to be so damn thankful that I have them both in my life to love.
I wish you all the most happiest of a new year. May you all find the love you deserve, the happiness you need, and the laughter you want.
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