Yarn Discovery Tour, Personal Modifications, and a Wedding

Once again I must ask, dear friends, to think back a few weeks ago. Because, once again, I've fallen behind on my blogging duties.

Clear back on the 16th, I was supposed to be going for a special birthday trip with a couple of friends. Sadly, those plans fell through due to the lovely season of colds starting. So I took Caitlin up on her offer of joining her on this year's Yarn Discovery Tour.

I originally had no plans on participating this year due to a lack of funds and really feeling like I shouldn't be buying more yarn. I mean, I'm pretty sure I've reached SABLE at this point. But it sounded like a fun day out, so I figured what the hell, and went along.

We started out at Harps & Thistles, which was probably a mistake. Because of course, I started chatting. I needed to catch up, alright?

I actually didn't buy any yarn there. Instead, I got some lovely fiber for spinning. I want to give it another go and Caitlin's promised to teach me.

The next stop was The Designing Woman. (Please excuse the text in the pic. My front-facing camera mirrors everything and I'm too lazy to fix it right now.)

A quaint little shop with both yarn and fabrics, it was pleasant. I've never seen such a large collection of Berroco brand yarn.

I just picked up a skein of worsted weight from Rowan to use for more Bulbasaur.

After that, it was up the road to Crochet Innovations.

Another lovely shop tucked into a plaza. There was a bistro right next door that had all sorts of divine smells coming from it.

I picked up a hank of Cascade 220 Superwash Aran weight in a lovely charcoal grey. No pics of just it, though. It's already all in the edging of September's shawl.

We hit up Long Tail Knits after that.

This place is definitely a spinner's paradise. Caitlin and I are already making plans on hitting it up again in the near future.

I, however, fell in love with a hank of their in-house yarn line and couldn't walk away.

At this point, we were definitely starting to go into sensory overload, so we made our stop at Fine Points as brief as we could. I bought neither yarn nor fiber. Instead, I walked away with this FRIGGIN AWESOME PROJECT BAG!

Our final stop was River Colors in Cleveland, where we met up with Mikayla. This was her LYS and it was easy to see why. It was huge  and inviting. The selection was superb. And I found freakin' Tosh in the clearance section!

Mikayla said she'd make me a hat if I bought it since bulky weight is her jam. Can't really say no to that sort of offer.

I also picked up this lil' hank of Malabrigo lace.

We got some much-needed food after all of that. But my day was only half-done. Caitlin handed me off to Kayla and we went to her apartment for a hair appointment of epic proportions.

The darling woman had agreed to redo my hair for me, and well, we went a little wild. Rather than just redoing the color I had, we went full galaxy up in my mane.

It was great fun and the results are amazing.

Seriously, how awesome does it look?

I wanted it done for a wedding that John and I attended last Friday. Have to look good, right?

My wedding 'do actually came out ridiculously epic for doing it myself and I had people coming up to me all night just to compliment my hair.

I also wanted something else done for the wedding, so last Tuesday, Kayla and I made our way to the local needleman.

My nose is now a little bit shinier.

Shoutout to Kayla for the amazing birthday present. And to Caitlin for the fun day out.

As for that wedding I mentioned, it was for John and I's favorite cousin on his side of the family. And let me tell you...

We clean up pretty good.

Seriously, I had the hottest date there.

And before you ask yes...

I knit at the wedding.

Did you expect anything less?

So congrats to Danielle and Carl, you two lovely nerds. Enjoy the months of writing down the wrong name, the mountains of paperwork, and the little skip your heart does whenever you look at your spouse and realize, "holy shit, we're married."

And thanks for not mentioning the yarn spread across our table.

374 + 374 And a Couple More

As is tradition, I've missed my blog-iversary by several days. *coughnearly2weekscough*

I'm sure you're all fed up with the mushy, lovey-dovey posts, so I guess I'll do what I did last year and do a pure numbers post.

Let's start with pageviews.

My most popular post was A Comedy of Errors, which sits at 428 pageviews.

Of course Orchid Thief would be my most popular post, the disaster that it was. Let's be honest, it's more entertaining when things go wrong, huh?

A couple of other posts made it well over 150 views, another awesome surprise.

I'm averaging more than 50 pageviews on almost every post, another increase.

To date, I've had 9,008 pageviews to the blog itself. I was right around 3k last year.

I've managed to double my view numbers. In a friggin year.

Like, holy crap, people.

It still blows my mind so may people actually care about what I have to say enough to come here and read it. Truly, deeply, thank you for that. I can't even begin to tell you what this blog has meant to me.

Sorry, sorry, I promised no mush.

My goal was to write at least one post a week. I've happy to say that not only did I average that, but I BEAT IT! I've written 61 posts over the past year at the time of writing this.

As for projects, I didn't actually knit as much this year as I did last year.

Hats

• Neon Ski Bonnet
• Obnoxiously Cheerful Hat
• Pussy Hat Project

Sweaters

• Autumn Lace Shrug
• Grandma's Lace Sweater

Miscellaneous

• Mismatched Socks
• String Bean Fingerless Gloves
• Owl Mitts
• Deep Sea FLower Dice Bag

Amigurumi

• Prickly Bulbasaur
• Fallbasaur (I actually have two of these done, plus commissions for 5 more!)

Shawls

• Age of Brass and Steam
• Orchid Thief
• Art and Coffee
• Grey Skies
• Rainshine
• Yarn Wife (My very first completely original design)
• Kelp
• Steam Bells
• Gem In Eyes

I did release my first paid pattern on Ravelry, though. The lace panel I designed for my sweater up there.

Normally, I think I'd be disappointed with myself for not knitting more. But this past year I found my definitive Second Craft. 

I started teaching myself watercolor painting in November of last year. And I think I've devoted almost an equal amount time to it this past year as my yarn and needles. A rough count in my head gives me a rough estimate of 30+ paintings that I've finished this year. And that's not including all of the pendants I've done.

This was my very first attempt, if you remember.

And this is the latest.

And I'm pretty damned proud of that.

Well, I tried hard to avoid it, but we're going to have to get gross for a second. I know, but it'll be okay. Just find a cuddle buddy and we'll get through this together.

Once again, I have to thank each and every one of you who have stopped here and taken time to read one (or several!) of my posts. 

I started this blog on a whim after reading a bunch of Yarn Harlot's archive. I wanted a place to share and talk about my knitting. Ravelry project notes aren't really that great for that. So having a blog, I could really get down to the knitty-gritty of things. *sorrynotsorry*

But this has been so much more than that. 

I've undergone so many life changes. Losses, gains. Through hell and back, through battles, through love. 

And I've been able to share that all here. I've been able to put myself out into the world. I've learned how to more effectively communicate with the people around me. 

Jamie told me once that she loves reading the blog because it allowed her to see a different aspect of me. And until that moment, I didn't really realize how true that is. This blog has given voice to the things that I want to say, but never quite manage to in person. 

Thank you. 

Thank you for your support. Your patronage. Your love.

And here's to the next 374 days. 

Falling Into It

Sometimes, such a simple little idea can turn into something fantastic and wonderful.

Remember my little Bulbasaur?

Yeah, well, a week or so ago I had a silly little thought. And ended up making this.

Yes.

It's a Fallbasaur.

The problem is that now *everyone* wants one.

So, even though I said I'd never sell my yarn crafts, I decided to relax this and take some orders.

First one just needs a pumpkin. And then there's 4 more to do after this.

This is also my roundabout way of saying that Mermaid Lair is totally not getting done in time. I'm going to aim for November's Zelda Symphony that we'll be going to. I'll fancy myself up just for that.

As for the wedding, I'll probably just wear Rainshine and the blue dress that John loves so much.

I *did* cast on something simple for September's shawl, though.

I wound up that delightful skein I bought at Great Trail and started a simple triangle shawl.

Still no idea how it's going to end up, but I'm excited for another simple project.

Henry knows I need it.

A Year

Around this time last year, I managed to finish both a pair of socks and an entire fully-beaded shawl for the Ravellenic games. A pretty impressive feat, I might add.

John was kind enough to take the photographs for me. I even took a couple of artsy shots of me wearing it, not realizing at the time that one of those photos was going to lead to something life changing.

So I knew that this month's shawl had to be special. I wanted to revisit that shawl and talk about just how much a year can change a person.

I guess the most noticeable change is that my hair is a little more... green... than it was.

Weird thing to start off with, huh?

But really, it's more representative of the overall transformation of my looks and style. I've always struggled with having any sort of sense of self-worth. I could honestly say that for the majority of my life, I've hated myself. I never wanted to be me. Always someone else.

But once I started dating Jamie, those feelings started to change. I started becoming more sure of myself, more confident. Sure, at first I dyed my hair purple and started wearing bold makeup to somehow make myself more appealing to her. But instead I found that it was really the look I had been wanting for myself for a very long time. I was just too timid to chase after it.

And you know what? I really, REALLY like this new Ashtan. It's one of the greatest gifts ever given to me, in all honesty. This sense of self-worth, and confidence, and finally loving ME!

I really don't know if I would have reached this point without Jamie.

I also don't know if I would have reached this level of mental stability without her, either. I feel like I'm much more capable of handling my anxiety now. The panic attacks still happen, but not nearly as frequently as before. And the depression days don't seem to last quite as long.

Having someone like Jamie in my life, someone whom I'm close to, and who understands exactly what it's like to live with the brain demons... it's made me feel so less alone. I'm no longer struggling in the darkness. There's someone walking beside me now, holding my hand.

A year of loving her, of having her in my life, has changed me entirely for the better. And I know it may seem a little strange to talk so much about myself in what is supposed to be a post celebrating Jamie and I's relationship. But, frankly, I can't think of any better way to tell someone just how much you love them and how important they are to you than by saying exactly how much you've changed because of them.

So, happy 1 year, my love. And thank you. For my heart, my courage, and my mind. For being by my side. For loving me.

For everything.

Struggle

This month has kicked my ass. Hard.

I've only managed to get two blog posts done.

I've barely done any knitting, or painting, or much of anything.

Today has been the hardest, mentally, because an emotional scar got ripped open. And I was not in the best place to deal with it.

Right now I feel raw. Stripped to the bone.

So forgive me, but this is just going to be a short list post. I need to get my butt back in gear and put the effort back into this that it deserves.

1. I did manage to get a shawl done for August, but I haven't had the energy to write the post. But here's a little preview.

2. Jamie and I have been together for a year now. And this deserves so much more fanfare. But again, I haven't had the energy.

3. I finally managed to give Bethany birthday presents on time for the first time in about 5 years. She got a painting and a little knit cactus.

4. Al started high school. This is still terrifying.

5. Great Trail time is upon us again, and of course, I made my way to the spinning house and picked this up.

6. I FINALLY made myself some fingerless gloves after making some for like everyone else. I should have used different yarn and moved the owl pattern over a few stitches, but I was frantically trying to get them done to wear at Great Trail. And I'm glad, because it was effing cold.

Yarn is some random alpaca blend that I actually bought at Trail a few years ago.

7. I saw this at Joann's and need somebody to buy it for me as a birthday present.

8. And we found this guy shoved into the ivy in the floral department at Pat Catan's. I couldn't say no. It was too cute. So he's living in my library now.

9. Yes. I have a library. Yes, it's as awesome as you think. Yes, there will be a blog post about it in the future. But there are a couple of key components I'm waiting on before it's truly done.

10. Renee found this notebook for me and it's pretty much the best thing ever.

11. I harvested a bunch of herbs and now my hallway looks delightful.

12. This guy's pretty cute.

13. Ending on cat pictures because internet.

Total Eclipse of the Art

Yes, I went there. I made that joke. And I regret nothing.

Because what's better than spending the entire day outside, watching the eclipse, and painting something amazing?

That's exactly what I did.

Here's like the one super crappy picture I have of the whole thing.

The painting, however, came out marvelous.

Here's another shot with the colors a little bit more accurate, though it is still much more vibrant in person.

It was an amazing experience getting to sit out there, seeing something so strange and wonderful, all the while making a beautiful thing. I'm already counting down the years until the next one. Maybe we'll make that one an art party. Sounds fun, yeah?

A Moment, If You Please

By now, most of you are aware of the horrific events that occurred over the weekend in Virginia.

To say that I condemn the violence is an understatement. Any rational person should. But as we've seen, we're not dealing with rational people.

I could spend countless hours trying to even begin to describe the horrors, hate, and violence that people of color face in this country. But those are not my stories to tell. They need to be heard from the people who have actually experienced it.

What I AM going to do, though, is shut the fuck up for a moment.

Because we've failed hard, white people. We've talked over, trivialized, and blatantly ignored what people of color have been warning us about for literal decades.

We allowed an atmosphere of hate, intolerance, and violence to breed in our country. We've done nothing to stop it. In fact, we've advanced it.

Because we were frightened. Because we didn't care enough. Because we didn't want to rock the boat. Because that doesn't happen in my neighborhood. It's always somewhere else that has to deal with that.

And look what happened.

THERE ARE LITERALLY NAZIS, KLANSMEN, AND WHITE SUPREMACISTS MARCHING OPENLY IN OUR STREETS!

Not in hoods to protect their identities. Not gathering in the darkest corners of the internet, only breeding their hate amongst themselves.

No, they're walking openly, without fear, without reproach, all across this country.

This is no longer just a sordid stain in our history books of yesteryear. Some horrendous tale that you learn about in school.

This is 2017.

This needs to stop. But that isn't going to be accomplished if we white people continue to sit around with our heads up our own collective asses, hoping really hard that the problems will just go away.

It's time to stop pretending that we're above it all and actually listen to what the PEOPLE ACTUALLY MARGINALIZED have to say.

So, I'm here and I'm listening.

Tell me what I can do to help. Educate me. Please help me to understand so I can do better going forward.

And I'll do my best to use what privileges I have to advance your cause and fight for true equality in this world.

"You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." 
- Shirley Chisholm, First Elected Black Congresswoman