Down to Bolivar.
Back to Canton. Two days in a row.
Over to Carrollton.
Down to the school for a whole day to help grandma out.
A small breath on Saturday.
More work with grandma.
A funeral.
A minor procedure for mom.
And then one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life.
I took the first solo trip of my life to Athens, three hours away from home.
The first time I've been this far away for this long. The longest I've been away from John since fall of 2009.
I took a bus for the first time for something other than a school trip.
I left on a day that John was working, so he couldn't see me off. I had to deal with the panic alone that morning.
I almost called off the trip a dozen times. Especially when I spent two nights in a row throwing up.
But I didn't.
I pushed through it because I knew that waiting for me on the other side of that trip was someone I loved very much and hadn't seen in a month. Someone who understands my panic and hesitation and knew that it wasn't about them.
I got on that bus. And three hours later when we pulled up to the station, I was so happy and proud.
I've had an absolutely lovely time. I finally got to meet Kate. We all went to see Fantastic Beasts together the Thursday that I got here. (Sidenote, go see it. Right now. It's absolutely everything you could hope for.)
Friday was spent wandering around Athens and Pokemon hunting. We ate lunch at Union Street Diner, where my burger viciously attacked me, but damnit, it was delicious.
It ended up being an absolutely beautiful day.
OU has an absolutely gorgeous campus and I really enjoyed walking around it.
I was a little sad when Jamie wouldn't let me catch a real life pokemon, though. It was the one called a... squirrel, I think? It looked like it was from one of the newer generations.
We also got to take over a gym in PoGo. And filled it appropriately.
Yes, we're both Team Instinct. Why do you ask?
We met up with Kate again and got ice cream from a place called Whit's. It was quite delicious. Afterwards, Kate and I ditched Jamie for a few minutes so we could actually spend some time getting to know one another better.
That's Kate's cat, Kat. She's a talker, man.
The temperature dropped a whopping 40 degrees between Friday and Saturday, which was utterly delightful to me, but absolutely horrifying for Jamie. So, we lazed about until we both were hungry enough to go in search of food. We ended up at Bagel Street Deli, which has been my favorite place so far.
I had been craving coffee all day, so we went to Donkey Coffee. The mocha was okay, but I am going to be a loyalist snob and say that Mugswiggz is better.
We hung out there for a bit and popped a lure at the Pokestop. It was nice to just sit and enjoy one another's company.
When we left, my heart nearly exploded with joy. It was snowing. My wonderful, lovely, beautiful snow. Yes, I giggled and just watched it. Yes, I cried a bit. And Jamie looked at me like I had grown three heads. But it was absolutely wonderful.
We headed back to Jamie's place before they froze to death. The rest of the day was spent playing video games. Jamie talked me into downloading an emulator for my laptop so I could play some of the older Pokemon games. Currently working my way through Leaf Green, which is pretty damn fun.
And that brings us to today.
The original plan was for me to go home tomorrow. But I'm going home early.
In fact, John's driving all the way down here to pick me up. Because I don't think I can handle another bus trip.
As much fun as I had, I also struggled. It's easy to gloss over the bad parts and just pretend everything was sunshine and roses.
But it wasn't. I had panic attacks. I had moments where I felt like the whole world was going to fall out from under me. I was tired. I was bitchy. I wanted to just come right back home the first night.
I missed out on a chance to meet someone who was in Akron just for this weekend.
But through Jamie and John's reassurance, and my own damn stubbornness, I made it this far. And I'm really, really proud of myself.
It's easy for me to feel right now that I failed. That because I'm giving up and going home early, I somehow managed to ruin an entire trip.
But that's not true at all. I did make it down here. I did stay for 4 whole days. I managed to make it though and actually have fun. I got to stay with someone I absolutely adore. I took my first tiny step towards being more independent and self-reliant.
I am so happy to be heading home. But I'm so sad to be leaving here.
Positives and negatives.
Joy and anxiety.
Confidence and self-doubt.
Everything is just a balancing act in the end.
No comments:
Post a Comment