Let It Go

I have a really, really bad habit of projecting feelings on to inanimate objects.

I suppose that's an entirely human trait, though, right?

We procure mementos and keepsakes from our travels and important events. Little trinkets that we can look at and relive the occasion in our hearts.

But sometimes things happen and taint the memories. Friendships fail, relationships fall apart. And instead of a rush of happy feelings, our thoughts turn dark and bitter.

Those feelings then get projected onto our keepsakes.

Or onto a beloved hand made object.

A few years ago, I crocheted a gorgeous lace weight, beaded shawl to wear to a wedding.  It was wonderful, my first beaded shawl. A huge amount of work went in to it.

And in the interim years, things exploded.

And that's putting it mildly,

My shawl got shoved to the bottom of the pile, only surfacing when I needed to reorganize. I couldn't look at it without a spike of anxiety and sadness hitting me hard.

But I couldn't just toss it aside. And it felt wrong to sell something that I had worn before.

But then I also felt guilty because the shawl wasn't being used.

So, I finally decided that this shawl just wasn't supposed to stay with me. It needed to be passed on to someone who would be able to enjoy it.

So, I let it go.

And I found that as I washed and blocked it again, preparing it for its next caretaker, the feelings of resentment, anger, and regret were slowly fading. And they were replaced with happiness and peace.

And a little bit of excitement. Because I knew that the person that I chose to give this to would love it as much as I once had.

It was also a way for me to thank her for everything she's done for me recently.

So, goodbye, Effy. I can let you go with no turmoil in my heart and with a smile upon my face.

And since you're gone, this means that I can knit myself a different brown shawl now.