A Bout of Brain Dumps

This year has been extraordinarily hard in terms of crises, difficulties, and hurdles. It's been relentless, wave after wave after wave of stress, anxiety, and despair flooding not only my small little corner of life, but really much more of a global scale.

I feel like every other post from me has been, "Sorry! Bad place in my brain right now! Be better soon!" But I never hit "soon." Every time I get a foothold, something else comes and knocks me on my ass again.

I then get angry at myself for not following through with my goal of one post a week. And for not getting a chance to write about milestones because I'm not in a good place to do so. But what am I supposed to do? I don't want to to force myself into a false cheeriness that doesn't exist. So I'm stuck, just hoping things get better enough that I can write freely again.

It's exhausting.

I am exhausted.
Just... worn out.
Worn down.
Brittle.

I don't know what this post is, to be honest. Or what I'm hoping to accomplish.

Maybe I just needed to acknowledge out loud that this year has sucked, and will continue to do so in all likelihood.

Maybe I'm looking to forgive myself just a bit for breaking a promise to myself.

I don't know, I just wanted to get it out of my head.

I'm not going to end this with yet another platitude and promise.

I'll write when I can and feel accomplished when I do.

Besides, there's still three months of this year to fit knitting in to. I've made my Christmas knit list, queued up some shawl patterns, and started some socks.  I have some thoughts and ideas I want to write about, including some plans for next year.

So, I'm not stopping. Merely slowing down and doing my best to heal these wounds.

We keep moving forward because there is nothing else to do.

Keep fighting, friends.

<3