Fates, Mistakes, and Great Lakes

It was a long weekend, my friends. Full of ups and downs, and barely a moment of rest. Most of it was enjoyable, but some of it...

Anyway, to get the bad out of the way first, a family member is dealing with a health crisis and things are not looking good. There are complicated feelings involving said family member, so it's just a big tangle of emotions and shit right now that's casting a looming cloud over everything. Add in some other family drama... yeah, John and I are about due for a goddamned break from it all.

*sigh*

But let's forget that for now and just focus on the fun stuff.

After dealing with the nightmare of Mojito, I decided that I needed a break from anything complicated and beaded. I settled on FINALLY doing a Find Your Fade.

And it's been everything I needed. Simple garter stitch, fun colorwork, no complex stitches...

We won't talk about how much I've managed to mess it up already and that this is the FOURTH(!) attempt at it.

I think I finally got into the groove and will enjoy the rest of it.

For those of you who don't know, this shawl is written to use 7 different colors.

After much deliberation, this was my final selection.

I'm proud to say that it's ALL stash yarn.

Yep, that's right. I didn't buy ANY new yarn for this project.

Which is good, since I bought a crapton of new stuff at Great Lakes and have to find room for it somewhere in my stash, but we'll get to that.

Friday, John took half a day of vacation because we were supposed to attend a pizza party as part of the class reunion celebration. We ended up skipping that and went searching for a new outfit for him instead. Which ended up being a lot of fun.

John, much in the same way I have, is finally coming into his own. He's figuring out his style, who he is, and what he wants from life, which has been amazing to see.

He's completely come out of his shell. Hell, he's even joined me on Team Emerald Hair.

Saturday was the day of the actual class reunion. My anxiety was riding high, especially because my hair would NOT cooperate with me. Plus, it was a billion degrees out with a humidity somewhere around 1000%. But my makeup came out absolutely killer, so at least I had that going for me.

My date looked pretty damn good, too.

Yes, we were taking a bunch of pics in the parking lot to avoid going in. That's how we roll.

The actual reunion itself was much more fun than I anticipated. Most of the people there I actually genuinely enjoyed seeing again. A few others... well, I'm glad that I only have to once a decade or so.

John and I got the award(? achievement? acknowledgment?) for the couple who has been together the longest. Which really isn't that surprising, seeing as I was only a sophomore when we started dating.

I also got voted "Most Changed" which was probably helped along by the fact that I had completely forgotten my Polite Filter at home. I was unabashedly myself, openly talking about my political views and the fact that I'm poly with an amazing girlfriend.

I don't think that some of them really knew what to make of me. Which is fine. I wasn't there to pretend that we were all the best of friends in school or now.

I was there because I was curious. I wanted to see how people had changed. And I wanted to show off how much better off I am than I was when dealing with the bullshit that was high school.

This may sound weird, but I feel like I had a giant weight lifted off of me. I have changed, for the better. I'm not the same person I was a decade ago. I am making progress in my life. It's not the same progress as others, but it's moving forward all the same.

Before we get into Sunday, I did want to give a quick shout out to my makeup for not only looking superb (as mentioned above) but for actually having staying power. This pic is from after I got home, nearly 7 hours after application, and through about a thousand gallons of sweat (it was so damn hot in the restaurant, ffs).

Sunday was, of course, the Great Lakes Fiber Show.

Okay, really it was Saturday as well, but as you saw, I was a little busy.

I had a minor meltdown, of course, because I had devoted so much of my time and energy into how I was going to look for the reunion that I didn't even THINK about what I was going to wear to the show!

I ended up with the same dress I wore last year, but topped it with Mermaid Lair.

I sadly went it alone this year (except for John, who, while lovely and wonderful, isn't exactly fun to nerd out about yarn with...) and I have to say, it's so much better when you have yarn friends to go with.

Next year, I'm dragging my yarn wives there, whether they like it or not.

Anyway, I was good and did what Mikayla always suggests. So, we made a lap of the whole place before I purchased anything. That took longer than expected because I swear I was stopped every five feet by people complimenting my shawl.

My first purchase was a couple of skeins from the wonderful Jeanne of Destination Yarn.

We had a lovely chat and I picked up two hanks of her First Class Single (a silk/merino mix that is to die for) in Witching Hour. This is actually the same color that Mikayla bought at the open house a few weekends ago, but in a different base.

I've already cast on Spellbound by Boo Knits (which is a complicated, beaded shawl... exactly what I said I didn't want to do...).

This yarn... my god, I want everything made of it. It's so lovely to work with.

Next up was a bulky wool/cotton blend that had an incredible 200 yards per hank for a measly $10.

I have an absurd goal in mind for this, but I think it's going to have to wait for cooler weather.

I also purchased a single skein from a lovely new-to-me dyer, Redbird Yarn Studio.

I'm not normally a single-skein purchaser when it comes to fingering weight hanks, but this color was really calling to me. The colorway is named Ink. How could I not get it?

I ended up purchasing these two mini hanks from the booth next to Redbird.

I realized later that I never even asked either of their names, so yeah... I'm real good at this whole people thing.

My last purchase of the day (besides some delicious fair food after handling the yarn) was another hank of the Fairytales and Fables collection from Morning Meadows Sundries.

They're the same people that I bought the Sea Witch yarn from last year that went on to become Mermaid Lair, which I happily showed off to them.

John actually picked this yarn out for me. And the fact that he looked up from his phone* long enough to actually acknowledge it, let alone make a comment on how much he loved the color, was enough to convince me to get it.

He also picked out the pattern for it. A shawl, of course, and the same designer of Mermaid Lair. Apparently, this is just going to be my new thing. Which is fine with me. I love having an excuse to make more lace.

*Don't read this as him being bored out of his mind and rude. It's his family that's causing all the stress in our life right now and I wasn't about to demand attention when he needed a break from his own head.

So, that's GLFS for the year out of the way. Is it wrong that I'm already excited about next year?

Monday was another "we have to be up early as fuck and this sucks" day since our house is the Prime Parade Watching place.

It's a bit of a tradition we started when we moved in. My grandparents and middle sister, as well as whatever friends are around (Vi, this year), come over to sit on our porch, chat, drink coffee and eat donuts with us as we watch the 5 minute Memorial Day parade that goes past the house.

We kept hanging on the porch after my grandparents left and talked about video games and D&D, like you do. I was working on my Fade and drinking coffee out of the new handmade mug that I splurged a little on.

Said mug inspired me to do something, but that, my friends, will just have to wait until another post.

This one is long enough, don't you think?

Besides, Vi's going to be here in a bit to work on D&D stuff. Which means that I should probably put on pants.

*sigh*

This things I do for my friends.

I Need a Drink

There comes a point in your life when you have to face the truth: you aren't magically aging backwards.

My rude awakening came in the form of the invitation for my 10 year high school reunion.

I get it. I'm only 27, going to be 28. Not really world weary or jaded by decades and decades of harsh reality. But I still can't help but feel a little (okay A LOT) disappointed in myself.

My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be a college grad by this point with a stable career, a few kids, and a wonderful spouse. I've managed one of those things. One of the others is unlikely and the remaining is impossible.

I guess there also comes another point in your life where you have to realize that childhood ambitions and dreams usually don't mean a whole hell of a lot. And you should be thankful for what you have managed to accomplish, especially if it's at least made you happy.

I am a crafting goddess among mortals, at least according to my friends. I am- at least I feel like- an accomplished lace knitter and semi-decent watercolor painter. I have many other crafts I can claim skills in.

I have a spouse, and a partner, both of whom love me very much and support me in my artistic endeavors.

A child that, while she isn't mine, I am still caring for and enjoying watching her grow up.

We have a home, a family made of blood relations and the dearest of friends, and an abundance of love.

For the first time in my life, I am feeling the most stable mentally that I ever have. I have mostly cut the toxic people out of my life which has led to an improvement of my self-esteem. I have actually managed to feel confident and beautiful.

I wonder just how many of those people that my brain tells me are better than me can claim such richness?

Anyway, the point of this post isn't about me reflecting on my life. It's supposed to show off the shawl I knit to wear to this damn thing.

Say hello to Mojito.

Knit with just a little over half a skein (I think, and I won't be arsed to go upstairs and check) of Anzula's Wash my Lace in Storm.

She definitely gave me a wee bit of trouble. There's a glaring mistake in the middle of the pattern that I'm sure some of the knitterly among you have noticed, but I wasn't about to rip out and redo this blasted thing.

And don't even get me started on the fact that this took me TEN BLOODY HOURS to bind off. PLUS two hours just for blocking!

My poor hands still haven't recovered. Especially because I was a fool who decided to do a bunch of heavy yard work the day after...

There are just under 900 beads in the pattern, though I'm not sure exactly how many I used myself. I skipped some of them because I was just so fucking tired of messing with them I thought that what I had done was enough.

There are actually two different types of beads in here because I knew I wouldn't have enough to do it all with what I had in my stash. I figured that I would be able to find a similar bead to what I already had.

HA!

Who knew that a size 6 silver lined, white bead with a frosted iridescent finish would be so damned hard to find?

What I found was close enough, thankfully.

It's a little bit shorter than what I normally like in my shawls, and I definitely would have had enough yarn to do another repeat, but I was ready to move on.

"Move on" is really how I could describe this whole thing. I was happy enough to start it, but it ended up becoming a drag by the end. I just wanted it done. 

Which just goes to show that I usually eat my words because I friggin ADORE how it came out. AND it looks really good with the dress I'm planning on wearing to the reunion.

So watch out, my fellow classmates of '08...

I'm coming as this new me. The unabashed, wild-haired, tattooed, creative force of nature that I've become in the 10 years since we've seen each other.

Hope you're prepared.

Uncomfortable Holiday

I know what today is.

You do, too.

And I know how you're feeling.

Sad, angry, lonely, bitter...uncomfortable.

It's uncomfortable to exist today.

Some of us have no parents, some of us still do. Some of us even have parents that we still like, talk with, and possibly love. Some of us wanted to be parents, but won't get the chance.

But something has happened to make this holiday one you wish didn't exist. A day to just skip over.

It's okay. I get it. I feel the same way.

For those of you who need it, I'm here to tell you that your feelings are valid. You can be angry and sad and bitter. You can mourn the loss of something that you had, or maybe even something that you never did. You can hate the person who helped make you, while still wishing things could be different. You can be angry that circumstances have led to a lifelong dream never being realized.

It's okay that you feel vulnerable today.

Let yourself experience these emotions, but know that they don't make you a disappointment, ungrateful, a terrible person, broken, useless... any of those lies you were told.

You are enough. You are a wonderful person. A living, breathing, remarkable human being. And if you've found yourself here, then know that I, at least, am very grateful that you are you.

So take a deep breath, eat something tasty, drink some water, and do whatever else you need to do to survive.

We'll get through this together, okay?

Tomorrow will probably be better.

<3

Destination: Yarn!

Now, this may come as a wee bit of a shock to you, but I kind of have a *thing* for yarn.

I know, I know. Color you surprised.

And when it's yarn done by an indie dyer?

My little heart just goes wild.

And when that indie dyer is, in fact, just a short little jaunt up north?

That sound? That was my heart exploding.

A couple weekends ago, I got to attend Destination Yarn's open house for their new dye studio.

Yep, it's not just another yarn shop. It's a whole new world.

Jeanne has opened a studio to teach people how to dye their own yarn and fiber. It's really incredible!

She also had a beautiful display of all of her current stock of yarn for sale.

Mikayla, Steph, and I were practically kids in a candy store and had to go squish it all.

This was, of course, after I had a minor meltdown about what the hell to wear. Which caused us to be late. Yay, mental illness!

But really, if you're going to a Yarn Thing you need to show off a bit, right? And I have a closet full of shawls to wear. So I got overwhelmed with trying to decide which one was The Right One for the day.

I ended up with my usual "I-Need-To-Impress-Fellow-Knitters" shawl, Celestarium.

A good choice, I guess. Wish I could just get my nerve up to wear them all a bit more often...

Anyway, Steph was on the hunt for a skein of yarn for a Very Important Thing, I promised myself that I just wanted a single skein of heavier yarn for a hat, while Mikayla was trying to be good and only get ONE skein to make socks since she's currently on a sock kick. (heh...)

And because we're all terrible enablers, most of those plans went out the window.

Steph ended up with two yarns to make two Very Important Things, Mikayla bought yarn for another shawl, and I... well... I decided that the yarn I had originally bought for my ceremony shawl wasn't quite perfect.

This, however...

Yeah. I brought them both home. And I have absolutely no regrets.

The color is called Pine Forest. Absolutely perfect for a winter ceremony.

We won't discuss the fact that this also means that I had to change the pattern AGAIN! But I think we really have settled on a winner this time.

I plan on buying both colors that Steph and Mikayla also got because I loved them so much. They can join the ever-growing hoard of colors I have.

Left to right: Irish Bog, Stockholm, and Shark Infested Waters.

Alas, we had to tear ourselves away from the yarny goodness and seek out some sort of caffeine for poor John, who had been dozing in a corner of the shop.

We ended up at Blackbird Baking Company, coincidentally right next to River Colors Studio.

The yarn shop had closed a little bit before we got there, which, honestly was probably the best thing for us. But we did get to meet a lovely fellow knitter in the cafe who happily showed off her Find Your Fade shawl.

I wasn't really impressed with the coffee at Blackbird, but their baked goods were on a whole 'nother level. I had a blue cheese and onion focaccia and thought I was going to die from happiness.

We arrived in time for their happy hour, where everything is half-off. Do you know how tempted I was to clear out their remaining stock? John, the blighter, wouldn't actually let me take it all, but we did get a big bag of goodies to take home for later.

Mikayla had to get going, so we all parted ways, yarn and baked goods in tow.

John and I were trying to decide if we wanted to go check out anything else before heading back home.

We took some adorable selfies...

And decided to at least go drive past the lake. It just doesn't feel right to go to Cleveland and not see it.

I managed to finish Vi's dice bag on the way home.

We're going to ignore the knot in the bind off since some dumbass was so tired that she bound of half her stitches, thought she was done with the whole thing, broke the yarn, pulled it through the last stitch, tried to take her needles back, and became very confused when they wouldn't separate from the project because, you know, HALF THE STITCHES ARE STILL ON THEM!

When you fail, fail spectacularly, right?

I am super in love with the way the colors worked out for this one. It reminds me of something out of my current favorite game, Subnautica.

I just might have to make myself one in this colorway.

But, that'll have to wait since I have to dive headlong into Mojito.

It's a wee bit bigger than this picture shows (I had intended to write this post a cfew days after my last...) I now only have 4 rows of the double sided lace section and the edge chart to go.

But most of those rows...

... are beaded.

And I had to order more beads because I actually didn't have enough of these in my hoard of shiny things.

I couldn't buy more from the place I got them because it closed down. And my usual bead supplier didn't have them. So I had to order them from a company I've never dealt with before, which is always terrifying.

It needs to be done before the 26th for my 10 year class reunion, so I *think* I'll be okay.

But if I'm not....

Well, Celestarium looks pretty good with my dress.