Queer Pi for the Fat Bi

This is proving to be a hard one to write, y'all. I had hoped that this was going to be a bright and happy post. Something to celebrate an accomplishment.

My heart and head just hurt. I'm just exhausted from... well, everything.

But I'll try my best to bring some love and light to you, my dear readers. Because maybe a rainbow is exactly what we need right now.

Back in June, a craftalong arose on instagram that I felt I had to take a part of.

It came out of the desire for a digital knitting group for those of us in the queer community who are not as comfortable at the typical Pride celebration. Large crowds and loud noises are not our jam. It was also geared towards those of us who maybe still trying to learn how to be comfortable with our queer identities.

As it started growing and changing, it was decided that not only would this serve as a way to bring the crafty queer folks together, but also as a way to celebrate queer dyers and pattern designers. Participants were encouraged to use yarn and/or patterns specifically from queer folks.

Thus, the Quiet Queers Craftalong was born.

I knew from the beginning that using Morgan's yarn from Knitcraft and Knittery was the only option for me. I ended up using their merino fingering weight in a deep charcoal black called My Sister's Soul.

As for the pattern, I decided to bite off more than I could chew challenge myself by picking a circular shawl by Frenchie of Aroha Knits. Because, y'know, it only took me A YEAR to knit my last circular shawl...

Caim Shawl called to me. So, I purchased the pattern, got my yarn, and got started...

And then IMMEDIATELY decided to add misery for myself another challenge by incorporating beads into the increase rounds. Did I mention they're in rainbow order?

Y'all, I STRUGGLED with this one. I struggled hard. I knit all of my anger and frustration and hurt into this shawl. And I just couldn't finish it properly.

My heart and my hands hurt so much that I ended up binding off 48 rows early.

Yes, my friends. I made a shawl smaller than the pattern called for again. That should tell you how much I was dealing with in my head while making it.

My mental health was in the worst place it'd been in two years. Plus, we were dealing with having to fix our bathroom. And that was just personal stress. That's not counting the absolute burning shithole the world in general is at the moment.

Even so, it came out the size that the pattern listed the final dimensions to be, so could you even imagine how big it would be if I would have finished those last two repeats?

We had planned on taking pictures this last weekend and I was struggling to decide what to wear. ("Struggle" seems to be the name of the game lately...)

And that's when I had yet another bloody awful brilliant idea to wear not just one outfit, but six of them.

Yes, in rainbow order... on a ridiculously hot day where all of my makeup would melt off.

Because if we're going to show off our queer pride, why not go all out?

It probably comes as no surprise that I have enough dresses to wear the whole rainbow.

I'm someone who loves wearing colors across the whole spectrum.

And I know that this is supposed to be about the shawl and the craftalong, but as I'm writing this, I'm realizing just how much my style has changed over the last couple of years.

It's evolved into something that feels right... feels wholly ME.

And it's not just my outward styling, but my whole identity.

I'm finally embracing all the different factions and parts that make up me.

My bisexuality, my polyamory, my knitting, my mental illnesses, my drive to make things, my trauma, my fears, hopes, and dreams...

The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, it all swirls together and has formed me into the person I am today.

And knowing who you are, where you belong in this world, is such a gift.

I've fought so hard to get to this place for myself.

And you know what?

I'm proud of myself.

I'm proud of who I am.

And I know that even though I will stumble and make mistakes, as long as I keep moving forward, I'll be pretty dang proud of who I am in the future, too.

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The 100% Definitive Absolute Best Guide to Blocking*

So, I finished up my Quiet Queers Craftalong project last night and I thought that maybe I'd take the time to write up The Best Guide to Blocking™.

These are 100% scientifically proven to produce the best, most beautifully blocked shawl.**

But you have to follow the directions exactly as written. No substitutions! No adding your own dramatic flare (unless otherwise noted). Just follow step by step and you'll have the bestest and most beautiful shawl (or other knit item) ever!***

Without further ado, I give you Ashtan's 100% Definitive Absolute Best Guide to Blocking*

1. Wake up.
Spend at least 15 minutes laying with your face in the pillow, cursing the Day Star.
Spend another 15 minutes on your phone, catching up on the 'grams. (That's Instagram for the not-as-cool people, or so I'm told)

2. Forget to grab the shawl out of the basket beside your bed and get halfway down the stairs before remembering. Go back and grab it.

3. Toss shawl on bathroom counter because at this point you've waited too long and you just might pee yourself if you don't go RIGHT NOW!
Do some more social media browsing even though you're done, but you just don't want to stand up yet.

4. WASH HANDS THOROUGHLY! YES, YOU IN THE BACK WHO USUALLY SKIPS IT! WASH! THOSE! HANDS!

5. Time to bathe! You, the shawl, your entire bathroom floor... because let's be honest, you're messy as fuck, even when you're cleaning.
Make sure that the water isn't too hot or too cold. Take like a solid 2 minutes fiddling with the knob because you still aren't use to this new one handle system.
Add your smelly-good of choice (lavender eucalan is my choice). Pour in a capful, then add some more because you're never actually sure if there's enough in there?
Agitate the water as you fill the tub, making sure to get M A X I M U M  B U B B L A G E

6. Add the baby to the bathwater. Lower it in gently! You don't want to startle it.
Swish it s l o w l y in the water because the motion and feel of doing so is super relaxing.


7. THIS NEXT STEP IS COMPLETELY NOT OPTIONAL! IF YOU WANT TO UNLOCK ALL OF THE POTENTIAL OF THIS SHAWL YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!
Imagine yourself as a medieval peasant woman, washing her clothes in the stream, worrying that the harvest will see you through the winter.
Lose yourself in a internal rabbit hole of how absolutely awful the feudal system was, make comparisons to modern day equivalents, and wonder if watching Galavant for a 6th time all the way though would really be the best choice for the rest of the day?
Realize that you've just been sitting here, swishing this shawl in the water for 5 minutes...

8. Try to take an artful photo of the shawl as it's sitting in the water.
Realize this is impossible because there is NO FIRGGIN LIGHTING IN THIS ROOM.
Try anyway.
Get annoyed even more.
Still shove the picture in the blog post you're writing about this adventure.

9. Walk away. You have to. You cannot just sit here and stare at the damn thing in the water. You know you never let it soak enough. Go! Go on! Go open the curtains, feed the carpet, sweep the cats! Something, ANYTHING to keep you away long enough to actually let this thing take a proper bath.
Hey! HEY! I SAID TO LEAVE IT ALONE! STOP! SWISHING!
HEY! How about you got start to write a blog post about this, huh? Doesn't that sound nice? Mmhmm! Go on, now! Go write your little post!

10. Get really meta with this guide. Don't just break the 4th wall! Tear it down! Destroy it!

11. Write another step to keep yourself from going and messing with the shawl in the tub. It's lunchtime. Maybe go have a sandwich to keep yourself busy?

12. Acquire food. YOU MAY INSERT YOUR LUNCH OF CHOICE HERE!
Eat the food.
Enjoy the food.
Become one with the food.

(You messed with the shawl, didn't you? I heard the splash!)

13. NOW YOU CAN MESS WITH THE SHAWL!
Go GENTLY take it out of the water.
Grasp it firmly in your hand.
Squeeze the life water out of it.

14. Look around for a clean towel.
Realize that all the clean ones are in the basement.
Decide that your spouse's hair towel will work just fine.
Wrap the shawl tightly in a towel.
Take a picture of the new addition in your family.

15. Argue with Bedroom Cat over where she's going to lay because you need the bed.
Roll your eyes and call her an ungrateful brat as she settles on the dog bed with a huff.
Remove the top 30 layers of blanket from the bed since there's no gatdamn cushioning on the stupid thing.

16. Unroll the burrito and toss the shawl on the bed.
Try to get the middle of the shawl as close to the middle of the bed as possible.
Fail miserably.
Say fuck it and move on to the actual pinning.

17. Do the thing PROPERLY.
Bust out the tape measure and make sure each point is the same length.
Greatly overestimate how much this thing can stretch.
Start over.

18. Get halfway through pinning out the points and wonder if a teardrop shawl shape would be in style.

19. Swear at, cajole, beg, and plead with your garment to let you tug the last few pins into place.
Swear even more when pins keep popping out of place.
Get that last fucking pin in place and step back.

20. Decide to do one final measurement of everything \.
Realize that you need to stretch some pins a little bit further.
Readjust Every. Single. Pin.

21. You're done for now.
Walk away and let that fucker dry.

22. Have a drink.
Take a shower.
Try not to run back upstairs every 10 minutes to make sure all the pins haven't popped out.

23. Eventually forget it's up there until right before your spouse needs to go to bed, then hurriedly unpin the thing.
Immediately throw around your shoulders, trying to figure out how you're going to wear it.
Have a mini fashion show.
Ask spouse to take some quick pictures, forcing them to stay up even later.

24. Fold up your newly finished shawl.
Smile at it fondly.
Toss it into the basket of finished projects and immediately cast on your next project.

And that's it! That's all it takes!

Hope this guide has been helpful!

<3 <3 <3
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*Based on your author's own opinion

**No studies have been able to actually show this to be true

***Subject to personal opinion

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Like my writing? You can help support me and future writing projects directly by donating through the links below!

Ko-fi link: ko-fi.com/blackgoatknitting

Paypal: https://www.paypal.me/blackgoatknitting